Hello, dear readers. Once again, Danielle has come up with an IDEA. And this time it's with company!

A friend and I (don't call her Maggie) have both pondered on out love of writing completly useless and shiteous tidbits of stories. So, we've decided to create a blog, where we shall post anything we feel is not good enough to warrant actual showing off, but not crappish enough to delete. We have called it The Crazies.

Maggie (hee) and I would really love it if you checked it out. Perhaps follow, if your feeling brave. I can garuntee it will be interesting.

http://thecraziesdotcome.blogspot.com/

Title: Triumff~Her Majesty's Hero

Author: Dan Abnett

Pages: 352

Where I got it: sent from the lovely folks at Angry Robot publishing

Summary:

Sir Rupert Triumff. Adventurer. Fighter. Drinker.

Saviour?

Pratchett goes swashbuckling in the hotly anticipated original fiction debut of the multi-million selling Warhammer star.

Triumff is a ribald historical fantasy set in a warped clockwork-powered version of our present day ... a new Elizabethan age, not of Elizabeth II but in the style of the original Virgin Queen. Throughout its rollicking pages, Sir Rupert Triumff drinks, dines and duels his way into a new Brass Age of Exploration and Adventure.

You do not look at a book with a title such as 'Triumff' and expect anything less then pure entertainment. And, in the case of Dan Abnett's debut effort, that's exactly what you get.

Taking place in the time of Elizabeth XXX (a personal nightmare of mine, as I am quite simply retarded at the art of Roman numerals), it is quickly learned that this just happens to be "now" in the literal sense--2010, to be exact. The Queen rules the land with a mix of the perfect clockwork army and magic--just kidding, Magick (called the Arte, whom you might know to be either a creepy uncle or an old neighbor who smells like mothballs and makes you mow his lawn--or is that just me?). So you can generally expect Olde English prose and dialogue, but with something of a modern twist. Such as the presense of guns alongside swordplay, and singers such as Lady Geegaw and Diseased Rascal. I'm not sure what to call this...dystopia? Utopia? Post-apocalyptic? Perhaps just 'alternate history'. Whatever you please, this is Triumffs greatest...well...triumph. Creating a book that is so undefinable even the most accomplished of publicists will sit at their computer for hours trying to put it in a neat little category. It's like a huge "fuck you" to mainstream publishing and, let me tell you, it's way overdue.

The story itself is told through the alternating third and first person (perhaps unreliable) narration of William Beaver (aka Wllm) as he witnesses the odyssey of the titular character. When Elizabeth XXX (let's just call her Triple Ex?) is threatened, along with the entire concept of Magick, she calls upon Triumff (who discovered Australia. you guys!).

It is quite clear Triumff was never meant to be anything short of fun. Never too reflective or educational, but plenty raucous and a tad immature. It's, like, the perfect pirate movie. Except it's not a movie. And, as you'll soon find out, Abnett has a very unique touch to fight scenes.

The world weaved in Triumff is certainly an interesting one, filled with the kind of laughs that are immediately followed with a facepalm and a groan. I'm talking some of the worst puns you've ever read. I mean...okay, you know that one James Bond film with Denise Richards as Christmas Jones? And you know how she and James Bond got down, right? And how he's all like, "I thought Christmas only came once a year"? You know that one? Yeah, well, Triumff is horribly close to Chrismas Jones caliber. I still haven't decided whether this is a turn off or not, but there it is.

You know with these kind of absurdest genre novels, there's always a risk of Too Much Quirk and general inability to connect with the audience. And Triumff was very close to this line, almost too close for comfort. Abnett seems to try too hard a lot of the time with these jokes, desperately going for cheesy when it seems he should be going for deadpan (or vice-versa) and, if I wasn't so lenient with puns, this might be a more negative review. As it is, I happen to be very lenient with puns and I am sitting here, telling you how fun and different Triumff is.

On a more negative note...God, do you know how many names are in this book? I can't even remember them all, and I have my copy tightly clenched between my laptop and stomach to quickly look up any necessary titles. Mother Grundy, Unity, Doll Taresheet, Agnew...I found myself resorting to old memorization techniques I use when reading my state-mandated copy of The Odyssey--replacing character names with simpler ones with the same first letter. Triumff was Todd, Mother Grundy was Mary Gean, Agnew was Alan, Doll was...well, she stayed Doll. But you get my point.

I can't say I'm a fan of the narrative choice. It's told in Olde English format, and quite difficult to comprehend most of the time. Here's an example:

Water rattled off slopes of broken slates, streamed like horse-piss from split gutters, cascaded from the points of eaves, boiled like oxtail soup in leaf-choked drains, coursed in foamy breakers across flagged walks, and thumped down drainpipes in biblical quantities. For the same measure of time that it had taken the Good Lord God to manufacture Everything In Creation, the entire city was comprehensively rinsed. There was water, as the Poet had it (the Poet, admittedly, was wont to have it mixed with brandy), everywhere, and every drop of it was obeying Newton’s First Law of Apples.

See, maybe I'm just dense, but I did not get a word of that. At least, the first few readings. I digress.

Abnett, however, is quite a charmer. If one joke didn't sit quite well with you, there are hundreds more waiting in the next paragraph. Often quite silly, more often hitting that sensitive spot that we all like to pretend we don't have, Triumff never fails to be fun, and I most certainly look forward to more of the like from Mr. Dan Abnett.

Rating: 7 or 8 out of 10--perhaps a 7.5?

Also: I know there was a thing going around where blogs posted the first five chapters every day for, like, a week. Maybe you can Google it?

Once again, life has been pretty lame up in the post office. I did just mail out a shitload of contest/bookmooch books, so I'm hoping that ups my karma levels.

when Annabel, the youngest of three beautiful sisters, has a bitter falling out with her best friend—the popular and exciting Sophie—she suddenly finds herself isolated and friendless. but then she meets owen—a loner, passionate about music and his weekly radio show, and always determined to tell the truth. And when they develop a friendship, Annabel is not only introduced to new music but is encouraged to listen to her own inner voice. with owen's help, can Annabel find the courage to speak out about what exactly happened the night her friendship with Sophie came to a screeching halt?

Borrowed from my sister, who never has nor ever will read it, yet still puts up one helluva fight for it.

Phoebe is just your typical goth girl with a crush. He's strong and silent.and dead.

All over the country, a strange phenomenon is happening. Some teenagers who die aren't staying dead. They are coming back to life, but they are no longer the same-they stutter, and their reactions to everything are slower. Termed "living impaired" or "differently biotic," they are doing their best to fit into a society that doesn't want them.

Fitting in is hard enough when you don't have the look or attitude, but when almost everyone else is alive and you're not, it's close to impossible. The kids at Oakvale High don't want to take classes or eat in the cafeteria next to someone who isn't breathing. And there are no laws that exist to protect the differently biotic from the people who want them to disappear-for good.

With her pale skin and Goth wardrobe, Phoebe has never run with the popular crowd. But no one can believe it when she falls for Tommy Williams, the leader of the dead kids. Not her best friend, Margi, whose fear of the differently biotic is deeply rooted in guilt over the past. And especially not her neighbor, Adam, the star of the football team. Adam has just realized his feelings for Phoebe run much deeper than just friendship. He would do anything for her, but what if protecting Tommy is the one thing that would make her happy?

Generation Dead is a sharp, funny, and breathtakingly original novel from an exciting new talent.

Once again, Wal-Mart has proven to be quite useful to my reading endeavers. Eight dollars, baby.

Dracula The Un-Dead is a bone-chilling sequel based on Bram Stoker’s own handwritten notes for characters and plot threads excised from the original edition. Written with the blessing and cooperation of Stoker family members, Dracula The Un-Dead begins in 1912, twenty-five years after Dracula “crumbled into dust.” Van Helsing’s protégé, Dr. Jack Seward, is now a disgraced morphine addict obsessed with stamping out evil across Europe. Meanwhile, an unknowing Quincey Harker, the grown son of Jonathan and Mina, leaves law school for the London stage, only to stumble upon the troubled production of “Dracula,” directed and produced by Bram Stoker himself.

The play plunges Quincey into the world of his parents’ terrible secrets, but before he can confront them he experiences evil in a way he had never imagined. One by one, the band of heroes that defeated Dracula a quarter-century ago is being hunted down. Could it be that Dracula somehow survived their attack and is seeking revenge? Or is their another force at work whose relentless purpose is to destroy anything and anyone associated with Dracula?

Won this one from Cherry Mischievous. I'm desperatly hoping it's not just a bad fanfiction.

Anyhoozles, that's all I got this week. Now if you'll excuse me, Forrest Gump is talking to Jenny's grave.

Title: Story of a Girl

Author: Sara Zarr

Pages: 192

Summary:

When she is caught in the backseat of a car with her older brother's best friend - Deanna Lambert's teenage life is changed forever. Struggling to overcome the lasting repercussions and the stifling role of "school slut," she longs to escape a life defined by her past.

With subtle grace, complicated wisdom and striking emotion, Story of a Girl reminds us of our human capacity for resilience, epiphany and redemption.

At thirteen, Deanna is caught (by her father) in the backseat of seventeen year old Tommy's (her brother's best friend) car. Now, at sixteen, her father still can't look at her. Her brother is now living in their basement with his girlfriend and newborn baby. She has two friends in the world, and they are both dating each other. Everywhere she goes in her small California town, she is known by some degree or another. Her teenage years are ruined before they've even started, and Deanna couldn't be more miserable.

I'm not entirely sure what genre Story would be put under--there's no real plot, per say. There's no definitive beginning, middle or end (in the traditional sense, at least). It's told in a stream-of-conciousness first person narrative that somehow, by some miracle of authorism, does not come across as a selfish or self-absorbed. Not to say all first person novels are selfish. It's just that there's always a feeling that either the author or the narrator themselves believe there is absolutly nothing going on in their town then their plot and their story. While it certainly does seem as though Deanna really does believe the world revolves around her, the author--purposley or not--makes it clear that every single character has lives and personalities all to themselves, and are not just people for Deanna to bounce off of. I don't know if I'm making myself clear, but I'll put it like this: every character in Story of a Girl could easily be the protagonist of a novel of this or any genre. To me, this is a fantastic display of storytelling and a possibly where the book shines brightest. I might venture far enough to say that Story of a Girl surpases most YA books of it's genre in it's writing.

But then...Deanna happens.

Good lord, this girls annoying. When she's not making it very clear what a horrible friend she is, she's blaming every single fuck up in her life on that one day in that car with Tommy. Perhaps this is the point, to get across that to teenagers, one mistake is the end of the world, but really? Are you really telling me that every bad aspect of your life is because your dad caught you fooling around? And your telling me you don't understand how he can't even look at you after that? Yeah, that sucks, and I'd be pretty upset too, but...if I was a father (or mother) and I caught my thirteen year old daughter humping a kid four years older then her in the backseat of a Buick...yeah, I'd be pretty uncomfortable snuggling with them. Of course, three years is a bit harsh, but maybe that's just how the guy was. Zarr protrays Deanna's father as a monster of a man with zero compassion. Now, I really don't have much experience with "father figures" but I know enough to figure out that nobody's that vicious because their daughter acted like a teenager. Again, not really an expert in this field, so I could be wrong, but I highly doubt it.

Rant #2: I felt like this was intended to be a character-driven story, which is fine--but I need a little plot to hang on to, Zarr! You can't just say a girl slept with a boy and let it take off from there (okay, well, you can, but not easily). I felt like every character was cut short a little, like there was so much that could have been explored, so many bumps in different relationships that I would have so loved to have seen from beginning to end...but there wasn't. There was no real problem to begin with. For example: Deanna kisses best friend Jason, even though is has a happy relationship with other best friend Lee. There is slight tension in the "Afterwords" period--I mean, like, five seconds after the fact. She leaves. Jason and Deanna ignore each other for the duration of Lee's family camping trip. Deanna goes through this whole shtick with Jason about how she has to tell Lee, Lee values honesty and she just has to. And then Deanna is invited by none other then Lee and Jason to Taco Bell. She gathers her britches and is about to drop the egg, when she finds out...Jason already told. The day before.

And Lee forgives her.

Now, as we all know, I love the torture of my characters. I love the angst and the conflict and the general ickiness of their shit-ass lives that warrants a book to be written about them. But I feel like this was such a huge cope-out that not only does Lee forgive Deanna for making out with her boyfriend right off the bat, but there isn't even any discussion of the matter. No, "I totally don't deserve it, gurl. You should hate me" and then a "I could never hate you, girleee. We gurls!" It just didn't work for me.

But, despite all it's misgivings, all the plot holes and cheap deux ex machinas and everything I knew--intellectually knew--was bullshit...I enjoyed Story of a Girl. Nay, not just enjoyed it. I loved it. I read it in a single sitting and, when I was done, I felt the emptiness in my head where the plot had taken refuge. I missed it, you guys. I missed Deanna and Jason and Lee. I missed it like I missed Saturday Night Live this summer. I missed it like I missed middle school on my first day of ninth grade. I missed it like an old friend. I missed it, fuckme!

Maybe it's just the general relatibility that oozes from the pages. There's a certain immaturity in Deanna's voice that is, at the same time, so intelligent and self-aware that I felt like a dumbass for questioning the decisions Zarr made with her book.

I really, really didn't know what to say about Story when I started this review. I could hate it for it's general whininess factor and over exageration, or I could love it for exactly these reasons. It's a horrible cross-road that I really hate when I'm trying to write about books. But, if I'm pushing all my reviewer snobbiness aside, and just talk to ya'll like a teenage girl, I'll say this--I loved Story of a Girl, and I cannot think of one thing really wrong with it.

Rating: 8 out of 10 for pure emotional charge, but a 5 out of 10 for general Holdon Caulfield whiny angst.

Also: I was pretty reminded of another sex-related teen novel while reading Story of a Girl:

"Melinda Sordino starts high school a few weeks after she was raped at a teen drinking party. She is ostracized by everyone at school because she called the police on their party (but did not report the rape) and is almost entirely mute. The story covers her first year of school. She has emotionally distant parents, a girl she hangs out with who is not really her friend, and a crush on her lab partner. She is getting poor grades in most of her classes due to her emotional trauma, but she has a supportive art teacher. As the year goes on, through her art Melinda is able to come to terms with what happened to her."

Title: Candle Man, Book One: The Society of Unrelenting Vigilance

Author: Glenn Dakin

Pages: 300

Where I got it: author

Summary:

Murder, mystery, and adventure aren’t your typical birthday presents . . . But for Theo, anything that breaks up his ordinary routine is the perfect gift. A mysterious “illness” and Theo’s guardians force him into a life indoors, where gloves must be worn and daily medical treatments are the norm. When Theo discovers a suspicious package on his birthday, one person from the past will unlock the secret behind Theo’s “illness” and change his life forever. Molded into an exhilarating steampunk adventure that gives birth to the next great fantasy hero, Theo Wickland, Candle Man: The Society of Unrelenting Vigilance is the first book in a trilogy by debut author Glenn Dakin

It's clear when you open Candle Man that your reading a book intended for younger kids--y'know, the ones that you secretly steal from your twelve year old brother/son/cousin/etc. and will never admit to have loved it. But you did. Man, you did.

Theo world is three rooms. The population is three people. This is all he knows.

At least, as far as he knows. Sheltered from any other life, he's only been outside of his guardian, Dr. Saint's, Empire Hall several times in his life, and each time chaperoned by his insufferably cheery butler, Mr. Nicely. Along with a def maid, these three people are the only faces Theo's ever seen. His entire existence is the epitome of boring.

Until two robbers break in to Empire Hall, and the gloves Theo wears falls off.

So, aside from my horrible summary, I really did enjoy Candle Man. Not in the way I would have liked to enjoy it, but enjoyed it nonetheless.

I think my main problem with Candle Man was the pacing--there were so many directions it could have gone, so many stories and characters I would have loved to read about that were just kind of cut off mid-sentence. I never felt like Theo or Chloe (twin sister of his maid) were real people. They had scattered personalities, that were unintentionally bipolar. One minute they're serious, the next sarcastic, the next oh-so clever...I just never felt like I knew these people. Maybe in the next volume (it says Book One, so I'm assuming there's more to come) I'll get more.

Perhaps this is another case of misleading publishers, but I had no idea where the 'steampunk' label stemmed from. Aside from the pseudo-Victorian enviorment (not really Victorian, mind you--pseudo) Candle Man had no real characteristics of a steampunk novel that I've experienced. Which, let me tell you, gave me a huge migraine, as I lurve steampunk and I picked this up eagerly awaiting some steampunk steaminess and, damnit, there was none. Gawd.

Candle Man did have it's moments--the cast of characters, while vast and (perhaps a bit too) varied were so amusing with their little quirks and inner monologues that I was just giggling to myself the whole time. I do get the feeling that Dakin intended this to be a movie (or perhaps a comic), what with the one-liners and animated scenes. Not necessarily a bad thing, but worth noting.

The plot is where Candle Man really shines--a boy who is the decedent of an old Victorian Sherlock Holmes-like character (who was ZOMG actually real). I don't consider this a spoiler because it felt as though there was no plot before this revelation, so I'm assuming it's not much meant to be a secret. Any misgivings the character development might offer is more then made up for with a unique storyline and an amazing setup. I definitely look forward to future titles in the series.

Rating: 7 out of 10--and it can only get better from here

Also: Candle Man has been compared to such children novels as Percy Jackson and Spetimus Heap:



Wouldn't really go that far, but if your looking for a young male narrator who discovers something crazay about himself, sure, why not?

Oh, yeah.

Title: Fade Out

Author: Rachel Caine

Pages: 239

Where I Got It: store

Summary:

Without the evil vampire Bishop ruling over the town of Morganville, the resident vampires have made major concessions to the human population. With their newfound freedoms, Claire Danvers and her friends are almost starting to feel comfortable again... Now Claire can actually concentrate on her studies, and her friend Eve joins the local theatre company. But when one of Eve's castmates goes missing after starting work on a short documentary, Eve suspects the worst. Claire and Eve soon realize that this film project, whose subject is the vampires themselves, is a whole lot bigger--and way more dangerous--than anyone suspected.

*note* may contain spoilers

Things have been pretty mellow in Morganville as of late. The Evil Vampire Overloard has been defeated, humans are no longer in line for slaughter, and Claire has finally gotten together with her Love Interest and Resident Hawtie, Shane. Her best friend Eve has even gotten the lead role in Morganville's annual play (A Streetcar Named Desire). Claire might even be happy. Except that Eve's new castmate/bff Kim is an old flame of Shane's/superbitch, Ada, the supercomputer that controls Morganville, is getting crazier and crazier and, oh yeah. Vampires.

If I had to give this series a one-word description, it would be fun. Pure, mindless, sexy fun.

It's obvious on the first page that Claire has grown up since her first week at Morganville. From a weak, homesick fifteen year old genius to a strong willed, scrappy non-virginal vampire employee. The change in prose is evident as she delivers mouthfuls of one-liners. And, let me tell you, I cannot welcome this change more. While she did have her own certain Little Girl appeal when the series began, it was just so annoying when she couldn't walk three inches with out Big Bad Shane/Michael/Oliver swooping to her rescue. Every second she would be cooked by a vamp or chased into a shadowed corner or *god* roofied. You'd think someone like that would, I don't know, stop wandering into dark places? Don't drink from open water bottles at a frat party? Lock yourself in a room? Well, little Claire decided to do none of these things, instead strapping on her female testicles and taking care of her own scrawny ass.

Again, grateful.

What I'm not grateful for, however, was the jealousy she had over Bitchy Kim. I mean, I get it. Your young, your in love, there's an old flame pushin' up on yo man. That's fine and all. But come on. These kids have known each other their entire lives, lived in the same small town, gone to the same school. They are not allowed to leave. Or course Shane's going to have hooked up with some floozy's that you might know! It happens! Just because he slept with her once does not mean he's going to run off with her (because...well, he can't). There is nothing I hate more then a jealous girlfriend. Is it not obvious that Shane has no interest in Kim? Does he not make it clear that she's a psycho bitch whom he would rather drill nails into his temple then fuck? Does he not spend every day and every night with you? WHAT DOES THE POOR SCHMUCK HAVE TO DO, YOU NINNY? WHAT?

*fumes*

Otherwise, all characters have generally remained their usual selves. There's a bit of friction between Michael and Eve because, apparently, Michael is acting like a "vampire"--which, to me, doesn't make a great amount of sense, seeing as a) he's not doing anything different, b) vampires are all generally different and c) so what? He is a vampire. I digress.

Shane is, as usual, cute and adorable, and I just wanted to give him a big hug because big bad Claire was making him feel guilty when he shouldn't. Seriously, you guys, Shane is my ideal boyfriend. He loves zombies, is lazy in a very non-lazy way, he knows his way around a can of whup-ass, he can kiss his pants off, and he's a protective fool. If only he had Michaels musical chops, I'd marry him right now.

I can't say I'm a fan of the official summary. It makes it sound like a small-town X-files style Monster-of-the-Week shtick. You know, taken the Maximum Ride route and dropped what if had started with in favor of an episodic Disney show approach. Fade Out, however, does stick to the previous canon pretty well, and even the Monster-of-the-Week is greatly related to the previous books in the series. A definete thumbs up to Rachel Caine, who could've ended the big plot with Carpe Corpus, but instead chose to expanded on some loose ends left over. I cannot tell you how annoyed I would of been if this turned into a Cartoon Network wacky aventure story.

Overall, good pacing and characters, and a whole heapload a' fun!

Rating: 7 out of 10

Also: Whose supposed to be on the cover? Eve? Kim?

Sara and her father are moving to Boston from small-town Lundun, Massachusetts. She is going to attend the very elite Anton High School-- crowned "North America's Most Elite and Most Bizarre" by Time magazine, harder to get into than Harvard. As the new girl, Sara doesn't know anyone--better yet, no one knows her. And that means she can escape her family's checkered past and her father can be a surgeon instead of "Crazy Charlie" the school janitor.
What's the harm of a few little black lies? Especially if it transforms Sara into Anton's newest popular girl. But then one of the It girls at school starts looking into Sara's past, and her father's obsessive compulsive disorder takes a turn for the worse. Soon, the whole charade just might come crashing down...

Seventeen-year-old Lennie Walker, bookworm and band geek, plays second clarinet and spends her time tucked safely and happily in the shadow of her fiery older sister, Bailey.

But when Bailey dies abruptly, Lennie is catapulted to center stage of her own life--and, despite her nonexistent history with boys, suddenly finds herself struggling to balance two. Toby was Bailey's boyfriend; his grief mirrors Lennie's own. Joe is the new boy in town, a transplant from Paris whose nearly magical grin is matched only by his musical talent.

For Lennie, they're the sun and the moon; one boy takes her out of her sorrow, the other comforts her in it. But just like their celestial counterparts, they can't collide without the whole wide world exploding.

When Lisa and her sister Susan celebrate Susan’s birthday by attending a Full Moon Party–a party thrown by a group of werewolf fanatics in a swamp near New Orleans–an unexpected tragedy occurs. Fearing repercussions, Lisa turns to black magic in order to cover up what happened to her sister. But keeping things under wraps isn’t as easy as Lisa thinks. Little does she know, her inner demons—and desires—will be the biggest obstacles in keeping her sister’s death a secret.

Lilly North needs answers. But will she believe the answers she finds – or will they put her on the same fateful path as her family?

Buck McGee needs sanctuary. The mysterious death of his father and the recurring appearance of a menacing demon have left him no other options.

Their lives become forever linked when Lilly discovers the journal documenting his harrowing escape.

Prepare yourself for a sweeping tale of adventure and suspense that will take you from the quiet farms of Iowa, down the murky waters of the Mississippi, and deep into the hidden cultures of the Caribbean.

Ah, there you are, my darlings! It seems I've been running on auto-post for the last week or so. But I have good reason for this, my cupcakes (get this out of the way: my popsickles, my fudge brownies, my honey bunches of oats, my twinkleberries, so forth and etc). You see my review policy, right there on the side?

------------------------------------------------------------------------------>

See where it says, "...I maintain right as a reviewer not to review a novel because a) I found it so disturbingly bad I think it best to save the author some face or b) I have fallen ill with some kind of Malarian disease and simply cannot move my wee little fingers" See it? Well, the worst has happened, friends. No, I have yet to encounter a book disturbingly bad on an level. I have fallen ill.



Lucky for us, I have neither the swine flu nor a disease of the Malarian variety. I do, however, have some sort of all-consuming sickness that makes it impossible to move at a remotely quick pace without blowing chunks all over the immediate area in front of me. In fact, even lying completly still has set forth an onslaught of yesterday's lunch (though I haven't been eating, for obvious reasons). So I haven't really been doing much of anything, including reading. Which kind of sucks, because I'm reading this right now:



which would usually take me a good three hours to finish, but is now running on five whole days and I really want to know whats going on with Ada and that bitch Kim and why oh why is Amelie getting all emo on us can really old vampires go all emo on us why is this happening I don't need no more whiney vampires who go all emo on us dammnit!

Anyway.

This time of illness, however, has brought on a lot soul searching and Amazon browing (more so the latter, but I digress). I have discovered I have not read nearly as much zombie lit as I would like too, such as this beaut:



and I have also noticed that, since the formation of this blog, I have yet to review a post-apocolpytic novel (one of my favorite genres) (just kidding, I got the Knife of Never Letting Go). I know, I know. This blog is young, you're only fifteen, Danielle, you can't possibly afford all the books you want! Besides, your TBR pile is tipping the fuck over (and it is placed within tipping distance of your sleeping head, which might be considered a fire hazard in most townships)

Ah, dear readers, if only these words were consoling. But...they are not. Especially when your reletives take special occasions such as your birthday to buy you old navy giftcards.

*sighs*

Anyway, instead of boring you with a rant on why Old Navy should have closed down years ago, I will just move on.

If you'll direct your attention to the Big Fat Nerd Journal Blog, you'll notice I'm looking for someone to make a button! Details on link.

And that's pretty much it. Thanks for listening.

UPrinting.com was kind enough to offer fifty custom thank you cards to one lucky winner. I will also be receiving fifty thank you cards for hosting the giveaway! (hellyess)

To enter, all you have to do is leave a comment on this post telling me what you would use the cards for. To thank Granny (without being particularly grateful) for that candy-cane sweater? Uncle Joe for that ten year old football with the pin holes in it? Co-worker for that lovely rendition of "Jingle Bell Rock"? Nothings off limits, folks.

Here's the details:

Prize Offered: (50 ct.) 7 x 5" (folded to 3.5 x 5") Custom Thank You Cards with plain envelopes
Shipping: Free UPS Ground within United States
Blogger Appreciation Prize: (50 ct.) 7 x 5" (folded to 3.5 x 5") Custom Thank You Cards with plain envelopes
Eligibility: Limited to US Residents due to shipping costs.

You can check out these links for more info:

http://www.uprinting.com/custom-greeting-cards-printing.html

http://www.uprinting.com/envelope-printing.html

http://www.yelp.com/biz/u-printing-los-angeles

Bonus entries include:

+2 Tweet about this contest @opinionatedme12 AND @uprinting
+3 New Follower
+5 old follower
+6 blog/sidebar post

You have til November 30th. Good luck!

So I have to preface this with a million thank yous to Danielle. This is day twenty two of my “Sky Pirates Barrage World Blog Tour” and everyone has been so great. I really owe these people a lot. So Danielle and everyone that reads this, thank you and I hope you enjoy.

My name is Nick Valentino. My first book is a Steampunk adventure novel called Thomas Riley. It was just published by Echelon Press and I can’t tell you how excited I am to tell you about it. If you don’t know what Steampunk is, I promise you will soon. Not just from me, but from the book and movie industry. Apparently it’s the genre that book agents and movie execs are looking for. Don’t worry; I’ll give you the scoop right now.


The setting: Victorian times (mostly in London or in this case Europe-ish).

The culture: Inventions, science and alchemy dominate the popular culture of the day.

The style: Corsets, vests, overcoats, wire framed spectacles, bowler hats, goggles and cloves.

The twist: The world has experienced a huge boom in technology based on steam, clockwork mechanics and alchemy.

So the difference between Steampunk history and history as we know it is that steam powered inventions dominate the world. Hence dirigibles, steam weaponry, and everything as we know it is now powered by steam. So anything imaginable existed in the Victorian period, just with steam power and gears instead of fossil fuels and electricity. So take the pioneering and explorative spirit of the era and multiply it by the ability to fly great distances with heavy weaponry. Watch out though, the world is at war and dangerous sky pirates could be lurking in great airships just beyond the horizon.

Here’s the back cover blurb to wet your appetite:

For more than twenty years West Canvia and Lemuria have been at war. From the safety of his laboratory, weapons designer Thomas Riley has cleverly and proudly empowered the West Canvian forces. But when a risky alchemy experiment goes horribly wrong, Thomas and his wily assistant Cynthia Bassett are thrust onto the front lines of battle and forced into shaky alliances with murderous sky pirates in a deadly race to kidnap the only man who can undo the damage: the mad genius behind Lemuria's cunning armaments.

Find out more at:

http://www.sirthomasriley.com/

You can purchase signed copies at:

http://thomasriley.bigcartel.com/
or
http://www.echelonpress.com/

If you’re really adventurous, enlist as a Sky Pirate here:

http://www.sirthomasriley.com/recruiting-sky-pirates

I've decided to begin something of a project. While looking through some spare notebooks hanging around, an idea popped into my head: what if I sent this to people all over the world? What would they have to say?

And so, Big Fat Nerd Journal Tour was born.

The idea is to send this journal:



around the world, to as many people and places as possible. All you have to do is carry it around for as long as two weeks and just write in it. Doodles, quotes, lyrics, funny stories, sad stories, rants, phrases--whatever's on your mind. You then take a picture of the journal, post it on the official blog (along with a few words on your "Experience" with the journal) and send it along to the next person. It's thaaaat simple!

In summary, this may sound like a bad Person to Person project, but bear with me--I think it'd be interesting, plus you can take the exposure and plug whatever website you feel the need to promote. Everyone wins!

If you want to sign up, go to www.bigfatnerdjournaltour.blogspot.com and sign up. Tell your friends, tell your enemies, tell anybody.

And...GO.

It seems my mailbox gods have decided to punish me for going on a five day birthday vacation by pausing all book offerings. I'm not sure how long this postage hiatus will continue, but it's starting to become a concern.

Either way, this week (along with the last two) have been increasingly lame, but I did get some goodies.

BookMooch:

While partying on holiday in Cancun two young American couples befriend a German tourist named Mathias, and three friendly Greeks. Mathias had been travelling with his brother, Heinrich, who's disappeared off to the Mayan ruins with a woman working on an archaeological dig. Mathias is worried for his brother and, using a hand-drawn map Heinrich had left behind, sets off in pursuit. The Americans and one of the Greeks join him in his adventure to the interior. After an exhausting journey, the six reach a Mayan village. But there they receive a frightening reception and turn around, despairing of ever finding Henrich and the ruins. Following a camouflaged trail out of the village, the group come to a hillside covered in bright red flowers. As they pause at the base of this hill, transfixed by the beauty of the vision, a horseman approaches behind them. It's one of the Mayans; he's got a gun and, in his own language, orders them away from the hill. In the midst of the confrontation, one of the group steps backward, into the flowering vine. The Mayan falls silent then orders all six up the hill. As they follow the trail across the hilltop and down the slope they see yet another group of Mayans waiting for them, weapons out-and a mound, covered with the flowering vine. They examine it and find Henrich's corpse, shot full of arrows. They are mystified. And the Mayans won't let them leave. Trapped, the group try to figure out a way to survive until someone comes to find them, imagining they've been made irrational by thirst and hunger. But as they move through their first twenty-four hours, another, far more terrifying foe reveals itself ...Eerie, terrifying, unputdownable "The Ruins" is suspense storytelling at its best.

Contest: (from Sharon's Garden of Book Review)

High-powered executive Steven Kerner is living the dream in southern California. But when his bottled pain ignites in anger one night, his wife kicks him out. Then an eccentric mystery man named Andy Monroe befriends Steven and begins unraveling his tightly wound world. Andy leads Steven through a series of frustrating and revealing encounters to repair his life through genuine friendship and the grace and love of a God who has been waiting for him to accept it. A story to challenge and encourage, BO’S CAFE is a model for all who struggle with unresolved problems and a performance-based life. Those who desire a fuller, more authentic way of living will find this journey of healing a restorative exploration of God’s unbridled grace.

Review:

Karen is playing on the beach when she finds an ancient mirror buried in the sand. She looks into it, and is transported back in time to the Roman empire. Finding herself a slave, she faces many hair-raising adventures in her struggle to return to her own time.

This Long-lost work of young adult Roman fantasy/ historical fiction in the great tradition of Rosemary Sutcliff, first published in 1966 and since out of print, has been reprinted in a new paperback edition with BRAND-NEW illustrations by Philip Smiley. The book is NOW available from this site: also from Ebay and Amazon.

I'm am, obviously, worried for future weeks. Will this dry spell continue? Am I doomed to future deliveries of books I don't recall ordering? Will I forever be plagued with question marks at the end of my statements? Only time will tell.

Have a good week.

P.S. Like, woah:

Title: Defenders of the Scroll

Author: Shiraz

Pages: 248

Where I Got It: authors

Summary:

A teenage boy.

A dark wizard.

A mystic scroll.

And the fate of a world hangs in the balance...

When Alex "the Axeman" Logan is pulled from his world to help a young princess, named Dara, save her kingdom from the Shadow Lord, he thinks there has been a mistake. He's a teen guitar player close to failing 11th grade, not some defender of the realm. All he has are some school books, his wits, and his love of fantasy movies.

Overnight his life is history. Alex must confront the Shadow Lord and his minions when he is thrust into a land that has changed from a magical paradise to a barren, hopeless, helpless realm invaded by a dark army. But Alex is not alone. He has the help of Dara, a magic scroll, and a band of unlikely companions drawn from his own history books: a hardened Roman Legionnaire, a swift Japanese Samurai, a fearless African Warrior, a fiery Amazon Archer, and a spirited Shaolin Monk.

Can Alex become more than he believes and lead his small band of Defenders to the Hall of Shadows, the birthplace of the Shadow Lord? The fate of the realm and everyone in it rests on him.

Have you ever looked at the cover of a book and thought, "Good lord, what were they thinking?" and then upon further expection realized it was, in fact, the perfect cover for the type of story that it contains? Because Defender's of the Scroll is exactly as the cover protrays: cheesy, fun and fantastical.

Before I really delve into this review, however, I'd like to point out this is a fantasy novel and, like most fantasy (high or otherwise) it does fall under the unpronouncable name stereotype that often befalls the genre. The story begins with Mornak (MOAR-nak) looming over the city of Aspiria (like the bottled water). Mornak is the world's most powerful wizard, living as king in some kind of otherwordly land that is strangely similar to our own. His daughters name is Dara (like the Explora). There are a lot of characters, therefore a lot of names to remember (which may very well be Defenders greatest fault). This is a warning to anyone who may not be up for a lesson in memory recall.

So, Mornak is brooding (in typical king-wizard fashion: in a tower) down at his city, the morning of some kind of special celebration. Right away there's a lot of info-dumping--one might say a bit too much for the first three pages--but as a seasoned fantasy reader, I like to think I'm well-equipped for excessive back story. Anyway, Mornak's daughter comes running up and points out the clear blue sky--but for one little black cloud, right over the Shadow Wood.

Dara is suddenly burdened with a scroll, which she must protect from the Evil Bad Guy Hall. The scroll has the magic of Mornak, and now she must summon the leader of the Axeman to aid her in protecting the scroll. In a very slap-stick moment, she inadvertibly calls upon Alex, teenager musician and singer to his garage band Axeman on Earth.

Defenders is basically (in my opinion) an ode to teenage boys and great children's fantasy. It takes the stereotypes of the genre (and all said genre's branches), and makes it something every video-game obsessed fantasy fan could enjoy. The characters were fun little people that all have their own cute, exxagerrated personalities that are kind of reminescent of those old adventure movies you'd watch as a kid. I was kind of giggling the whole time while reading it at the stupidest jokes, just because the atmosphere the novel has brings you back to a time when you actually thought that kind of humor was funny.

A little quelm I found myself having was the language. While Alex, being a modern-day boy, uses cheeseball slang quite nicely, the warriors and kings and those who live in this other demension (which is a bit Tolkien-esque) talk...the same way. Informal, mannerisms that don't seem to fit in with their surroundings...it was just king of meh. Hard to get into the other world when they talk like your uncle or something.

But, seriously, putting my reviewer critics aside, this is the most fun I've ever had reading a book. I would definetly suggest it for anyone looking for a cute action/adventure.

Rating: 7 out of 10

Also: Defenders reminds me of another series in which a young teenage boy enters another realm for a battle against good versus evil. Pendragon, anyone?

Title: Ice

Author: Sarah Beth Durst

Where I Got It: Sent from the author

Pages: 308

Summary:

When Cassie was a little girl, her grandmother told her a fairy tale about her mother, who made a deal with the Polar Bear King and was swept away to the ends of the earth. Now that Cassie is older, she knows the story was a nice way of saying her mother had died. Cassie lives with her father at an Arctic research station, is determined to become a scientist, and has no time for make-believe.

Then, on her eighteenth birthday, Cassie comes face-to-face with a polar bear who speaks to her. He tells her that her mother is alive, imprisoned at the ends of the earth. And he can bring her back -- if Cassie will agree to be his bride.

That is the beginning of Cassie's own real-life fairy tale, one that sends her on an unbelievable journey across the brutal Arctic, through the Canadian boreal forest, and on the back of the North Wind to the land east of the sun and west of the moon. Before it is over, the world she knows will be swept away, and everything she holds dear will be taken from her -- until she discovers the true meaning of love and family in the magical realm of Ice.en Cassie was a little girl, her grandmother told her a fairy tale about her mother, who made a deal with the Polar Bear King and was swept away to the ends of the earth. Now that Cassie is older, she knows the story was a nice way of saying her mother had died. Cassie lives with her father at an Arctic research station, is determined to become a scientist, and has no time for make-believe.

Ice is such a winter read. Not because of the obvious snow factor. It just oozes cozy-wittle-snuggle-story. You know? The epitone of the phrase, "Curl up with a good book..." This is a good thing. Such a good thing.

To be honest, the summary makes Ice seem like some kind of bestiality love story. Cassie...she falls in love with a polar bear. There's no inching around that. Even if he is technically human. But Durst makes Cassie and "Bear" such beautiful characters, all at once both real and fantastical, that any yuck factor the story might have captured completly melted. For me, at least.

Cassie lives in a world of ice. She works with her father and his team--who seem to double as her family of sorts--studying polar bears and other artic life. Her mother supposedly died when she was too young to remember. But, one day, when she thinks she finds the largest recorded polar bear in existance, it reveals itself to be Bear, one of many protectors of all living things--in his case, the polar bears. He knows much about Cassie, including the fact that her mother is alive, imprisoned at the Troll Castle. He promises that he'll return her mother safely to the base, on the condition that Cassie be his wife. She agrees, convincing herself she could divorce him at any time. But then--you guessed it--they fall in lurv, ya'all.

My main quiff with Ice is that Cassie seems to aquire Bella Swan Syndrome, as in ready to leave her family, her home, her life at a moments notice for her "beloved". I get that. I do. But these types of things irritate me to know end. Not to mention confuses. I mean, okay, she goes off with Bear the first time to SAVE her family, and then, later, moments after realizing her mom ain't exactly the coolest cube in the icebox, not to mention awkward (hello, you try meeting your daughter for the first time in eighteen years), she decides to go BACK WITH BEAR, causing her family and friends momentous amounts of grief and anger. *grinds teeth*

My only consolation is that she does not, in fact, get a free ride, such as Bella Swan. She actually had to work for her happiness and, trust me, she payed for that decision.

*sighs*

So, other then that little misstep, I really did like Ice. The whole thing tied together very well, reminding me of actual fairy tales (it even sounds like a fairy tale: "There once was a girl who fell in love with a polar bear...")

Bear comes across at first like your typical Wise Elder Something-Or-Another who Knows All Sees All but is secretly Lonely. But, really, he is clearly not that very Wise (not a bad thing), does not Know All (not a bad thing), but it actually very Lonely (so not a bad thing). I loved him. He's romantic without being creepy, and keeps his boundries from his Love Interest without seeming gay (i.e. Edward Cullen). This was probably the first (and hopefully last) time I have ever swooned over a frikken polar bear. He was such a flawed, yet deliciously sweet character. I wanted to give him a huge bear hug (pun is so intended).

Though Cassie narrates (third person) I never really copped a feel for her character. I don't know, this could just be me, but I never really and completly connected with her. I know the entire point of the novel is Cassie and Bear, but I kpet having flashbacks to Twilight where it was all "zomg Edward where's Edward gotta find Edward EHHH!" It seems appropriate at certain points, but every couple of seconds it's "must....find....bear" I feel ridiculous for saying that, since the entire point is that she MUST FIND BEAR, but still. Purely objective.

Despite it's misgivings, I thought Ice was a completly enjoyable read. I was absorbed into the world of Ice and Bear. Everything came across as beautiful as it was described, even the not so beautiful things. I would absolutley suggest Ice too anyone. It's highly original and sets itself apart from every other YA title out there, and it leaves you with that nice feeling in the pit of your stomach all fairy tales should.

Rating: 7 out of 10 (leaning towards an 8)

Also: Is anyone else having a reeeaaalllly slow mail week?

"Books You Really Should Be Reading" is a feature created by myself (though I'm sure far from original) in which I blab on about old favorites which I believe to fill a certain criteria to be considered "unknown brilliance". Not that I'm much of an authority on this matter, but hey, its a free Internet.

--

This week on "Books You Really Should Be Reading"
--By Erika, The Sister



Author: Tom Stoppard
Pages: 126
Summary:

The play concerns the misadventures and musings of Rosencrantz and Guildenstern, two minor characters from William Shakespeare's Hamlet who are childhood friends of the Prince, focusing on their actions with the events of Hamlet as background. Rosencrantz and Guildenstern Are Dead is structured as the inverse of Hamlet; the title characters are the leads, not supporting players, and Hamlet himself has only a small part. The duo appears on stage here when they are off-stage in Shakespeare's play, with the exception of a few short scenes in which the dramatic events of both plays coincide. In Hamlet, Rosencrantz and Guildenstern are used by the King in an attempt to discover Hamlet's motives and to plot against him. Hamlet, however, mocks them derisively and outwits them, so that they, rather than he, are killed in the end. Thus, from Rosencrantz's and Guildenstern's perspective, the action in Hamlet is largely nonsensically comical.

There is nothing I could say about this play that could possibly spoil it. Right there in the title, it tells you of our heroic duo's untimely death. And even if you think it's a false summary, those well-versed in source material Hamlet know not to get their hopes up.

Alright. By 1967, people had been trying for decades to put a new spin on Hamlet. Stoppard was the first to truly succeed, by doing something so simple, senior members of the tragicomic-playwrite society (because there has to be one? Right?) must've been smacking themselves with their dog-eared copies of Waiting for Godot. Stoppard simply retold the play through the extremely limited views of the minor characters, childhood friends of the prince. Eponymous Rosencrantz and Guildenstern, so interchangeable they can't even tell themselves apart.

The subtle humor from Stoppard's magnum opus comes from the bewildered dialogue between it's main characters. Guildenstern, the smarter, warier of the two, is the one leaning towards random philisophical diatribes, from the very first scene, in which he finds himself and his companion stuck in a never ending cycle of heads-up coin tosses. Rosencrantz, by comparison, is dimmer, oblivious, and childlike, his humor often coming from his simple acceptance of the situation. Neither knows what the fuck is going on--Guildenstern wants to, Rosencrantz doesn't particularly care. Topics, from probability to memories to death to theology, are touched upon in their conversations. Also coming into play is the Player and his traveling troupe to actors/prostitutes (the times, you know). They bring the play to it's climax, a hysterical scene that I won't ruin for those interested in it.



To be honest, I would not have read it had not been for the movie. Made in 1990, starring a trifecta of awesome and brilliant and British actors, Tim Roth (of Reservoir Dogs, Pulp Fiction, Funny Games, Rob Roy, TV's Lie to Me, and being my current Favorite Person), Gary Oldman (The Dark Knight, Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban, The Fifth Element, and the upcoming Book of Eli), and Richard Dreyfuss (The Goodbye Girl, CloseEncounters of the Third Kind, and not actually being British, but I don't really care). Roth plays Guildenstern, Oldman plays Rosencrantz (for which he was nominated for an Independant Spirit for Best Male Lead, despite him only co-headlining), and Dreyfuss plays the Player. Stoppard directed the 1990 adaption himself, with mixed results (the whole thing is very obviously a freshman's work--shoddy sets, odd pacing and camera angles, etc.). But the true greatness of the play manages to get through. Roth and Oldman play their parts with the appropriate balance of bewilderment and confoundment, and Dreyfuss is positively devious as the Player. Each one had their own little showpiece moments--the Player, in his introductory scene, Roth, in the penultimate boat scene, in which he confronts the Player about his craft, and Oldman, from a non-showy but nonetheless (sorry) adorable scene in which he invents the paper airplane. The main duo get some hilarious scenes together, especially their game of Questions, played like a game of tennis.

But the thing that translates best, in my humble opinion, is the very last scene, played to wonderfully nonchalant by Rosencrantz, befuddled by Guildenstern, completely bittersweet, but you can't help but giggle at their final bit of banter.

Also an interesting production tidbit: throughout the movie, pieces of paper get tossed around by an always-present breeze. If either of the two took the time to look at one, they would have seen that they were the pages of the original Hamlet.

Check out my interview with The Neverending Shelf. You can also get the chance to win some swag by guessing which of these facts about me is a lie:

1. I live in New Jersey
2. I have an identical twin sister
3. I had a triplet who died at birth.
4. I've had seven different hair colors, not counting highlights or extensions

DO NOT GUESS HERE. Click on the link and leave a comment on her blog.

Title: Going Too Far

Author: Jennifer Echols

Pages: 245

Where I got it: Amazon

Summary:

HOW FAR WOULD YOU GO?

All Meg has ever wanted is to get away. Away from high school. Away from her backwater town. Away from her parents who seem determined to keep her imprisoned in their dead-end lives. But one crazy evening involving a dare and forbidden railroad tracks, she goes way too far...and almost doesn't make it back.

John made a choice to stay. To enforce the rules. To serve and protect. He has nothing but contempt for what he sees as childish rebellion, and he wants to teach Meg a lesson she won't soon forget. But Meg pushes him to the limit by questioning everything he learned at the police academy. And when he pushes back, demanding to know why she won't be tied down, they will drive each other to the edge -- and over....

As you all know by now, I am not a fan of romance. I'll read a book with romantic elements--because, frankly, how many books these days don't have it?--but I generally veer away from books centered around a romantic relationship. But after reading some positive reviews, I thought I'd give it a try.

17-year-old Meg is your typical reckless small town teenager. One night, she and her friends (including her jackass boyfriend Eric) drunkedly decide to "do it" on the forbidden railway bridge. Condemned by the weaksauce police department, it's rumored that years ago two teenagers died on these very tracks. They're busted by Officer John After, whose life mission seems to be patrolling this bridge and break down on any horny teenagers who make their way on it. Meg's punishment? Ride in John's--whose only 19 years old--police car for a week--during her Spring break.

Despite the simplicity of the plot, the characters that make it are extremely complex individuals. Meg, tortured by her severe claustrophobia, wants more then anything to leave her small Alabama town. This is the reason she refuses to grow close to anyone, to make any plans but for college--she wants no ties, nothing to hold her down, nothing to turn her into her redneck, diner-running parents. Until the day when she can pack her bags and leave, she's living it up--sex, drinking, partying. You know, the usual.

While Meg already has one foot out the door, John has decided to stay. To serve and protect the town, and the dangers of The Bridge. While his reasoning isn't always so clear, he refuses to budge. At 19, he thinks his life is planned. And then he meets Meg.

For 5 days, John and Meg sit in that police cruiser, searching for where the other is vulnerable and poking relentlessly. They push each other until secrets are revealed, and they keep pushing until boundries are dissolved. Pushing, pushing and pushing still until they end up--say it with me now--going too far.

(Oh, how cliche it sounds when I write it. Maybe I should just stop with my little ad-libbed summaries, because I always make these books sound like crap. Okay, so, shut up Danielle)

This is one of those books that can really drive a reviewer up the wall. One of the major--I'm talking may-jer--plot points (that really explain half the book) is so spoiler-rific that I would risk tainting all of my follower's reading experience if I were to reveal it.

So, here is your spoiler-free review:

I loved Going Too Far.

This is such a beautifully written book. The attention to detail, the lyrical prose, the characters in general just gave me a warm, fuzzy feeling. The contrast of characters--and their relationships with each other--is particularly moving. There's this cliche Clash of Personality that comes across as so unique and different that I honestly didn't even think about it until I was finished.

By detail, I mean detail--as in, the kind of detail wives wish their husbands would notice. In a very subtle way, Echols builds on this thinly masked sexual tension with Meg and John spitting out different things they notice about the other--like John know exactly what shade of purple the strand of hair in the back of Meg's head is. Or that Meg notices how John and his friends always say "Police Academy" like they're making fun of it. These are things one picks up while observing someone...a lot. Say, five straight nights worth?

My only issue? How cliche the general reaction is. At least where Meg is concerned. Small town girl rebelling until the days when she can move on to greener pastures is not exactly revolutionary thinking. Meg is in no way a cliche character, but she has her moments. You know, judging each boy she meets first and foremost by their hotness factor. Uses jokes to cover up discomfort. Smelling the damn boy's cologne? For reals?

Oh, how I want to spoil you right now. It's such a vital role I can't find the words to describe this book without just SPILLING IT OUT. Maybe this relfects my abilities as a reviewer, but there it is.

Overall, I completly fell in love with Going Too Far. It touches the barest of human emotions with a grace and wit that makes writing truly look easy. I suggest it HIGHLY.

Rating: 8 out of 10

Also: Has anyone noticed how photoshopped the cover is? Look at the barbel in the girl's eyebrow, closely.

Apparently it didn't work last time...so...here it is again (see comments from last take)



*sigh* These are painful to watch.

Evenin', all. Whilst messing around with the ol' webcam, and eyeing the stack of books sitting on my shelf, I thought of what a bother it would be to write them all down. Which is why I didn't. It is also why you are subjected to this:

(note: this is why I stick to written blogging)



I know, that was painful for me too. No need to be intimidated by my beauty, however. I put my pants on one leg at a time, like you all.

So. This is early, but it's been a crazy slow mail week so I suspect I won't be getting much else til Sunday. Good day.

Title: The Good Girl's Guide to Getting Kidnapped

Author: Yxta Maya Murray

Pages: 272

Where I got it: RazorBill care package :P

Summary:

Kiki and Mish are best friends, but what Kiki doesn't know is that Michelle Pena was born a gang princess. "Princess P" grew up destined to inherit leadership of the Snakes: a future filled with crime and fear.

Michelle, on the other hand, is a nationally ranked athlete and academic superstar. This is her new life, and she's finally put her past—and her childhood love for Silver—to rest.

Then Silver helps kidnap both girls, and Michelle has to figure out how to free them both—and reconnect with a future that might now be beyond her reach.

Before I begin this review, let me get this out there: I am white.

I am the whitest person you will ever meet. I am the whitest person in Ireland. I can lie down in the snow completely naked and no one will see me. I am Albino. I haven't tanned once in my entire life. I am a white girl from Whitesville, USA. I am not ghetto, I am white trash. Therefore, any opinions I may have on the dialogue in this novel are a complete reflection on how white and not gangsta I really am.

The first thing you will notice about Good Girl is the slang. It takes some...getting used to. The pages are littered with "boyz" and "dawgs" and "mothafuckas" (which, I'll admit it, made me giggle). I'm not gonna be one of those annoying white girls who thinks because they have the BET channel they're so down with it, but I am a child of the hip-hop generation, and it wasn't very hard for me to get used to it. But any uptight English teachers with shelves full of Milton and Shakespeare and Lovecraft...well, this book isn't really for you.

The plot is pretty unique, at least from the things I've read. Michelle, aka Princess P., is the former princess of the Snakes (described as the "youth group" to her lineage gang, the 99s), next in line for the "throne". But with her brother Samson (the "King")and her mother Reina (the "Queen") in prison, she's doing her best to forget her past. Now living with her gay doctor foster dad, Frank, and *this* close to a full scholarship to the best prep school in the country (not to mention several broken track records under her belt), she's doing a pretty good job. That is, until some old gang members kidnap her and her best friend Kiki in order to pay off her brother's debts. Now she must choose between birthright, love and her own free will. But all these paths seem to inter cross in an impossible maze that has Michelle questioning who she is, and where exactly she is going.

I think the finest aspect of Good Girl is the dialogue. Gang mannerisms aside, Murray made every word uttered seem vital, and I could almost hear the characters speaking in my head. I have no doubt that the author had every intention to disprove the assumption that gangsters are nothing more then vicious, disorganized killers when she sat down to write this book. There's a certain respect that all these characters display to one another, a kind of Godfather-like chain of royalty. The dialogue and background kind of reminded me of Romeo + Juliet (with Leo DiCapprio and Claire Daines), in that it takes a formality to street life, with rants that almost remind me of a Shakespearean monologue (almost--again, there's a lot of slang). Murray combines regal upstanding with heavy informality, and pulls it off beautifully.



It's pretty hard to relate to Michelle. Yes, she's a very well drawn-out character, but how many of you can say your the fallen princess of one of the toughest gangs in (insert city/town/area here)? And I'm not talking about your cheer leading squad. There's an honest effort made with the believability, but in the end I couldn't picture a real Michelle in my mind, just an interesting girl with a lot of baggage.

Good Girl also brings up a lot of--*gasp*--questions. I'm not usually the one to point these things out, but they're all so glaringly obvious this wouldn't be a real review if I didn't include them. How far would you go for love? For family? For position? My gawd, what will she choose?????

Okay, now I'm just kind of mocking it. Just a little. I'm done.

I especially love the ending. It reminds me almost of Kissing the Rain by Kevin Brooks. It ends before there's any real resolution, when Michelle is torn between these two paths and she knows that no matter how long and fast and hard she runs, she will never escape it. It's kind of heartbreaking in a way, that even though she's, by the technical terminology, free, she's trapped in this crossroad. Murray portrays this honesty that gives this one aspect of Michelle's life a relatability.

At times a bit corny, Good Girl's Guide to Getting Kidnapped is a fun, thought-provoking read that you'll enjoy if your not a stiffer for good grammar.

Rating: 8 out of 10

Title: Pastworld

Author: Ian Beck

Pages: 368

Where I got it: publisher

Summary:

Pastworld. A city within a city. A city for excursions and outings. Pastworld is a theme park with a difference, where travellers can travel back in time for a brush with an authentic Victorian past. But what if the Jack the Ripper figure stopped play-acting and really started killing people? For Caleb, a tourist from the present day, his visit goes terribly wrong when his father is kidnapped and he finds himself accused of murder. Then Caleb meets Eva Rose, a Pastworld inhabitant who has no idea the modern world exists. Both Caleb and Eva have roles to play in the murderer’s diabolical plans – roles that reveal disturbing truths about their origins.

After a mysterious Great Depression-like financial collapse, London has been restored to it's Victorian hayday--at least, some of it. A big enough section to hold it's own variation of lifeform, large enough to seal off the world outside. This restored London has become an amusement park to the wealthy, a way of life to those who roam the streets. While paying customers--"Gawkers"--soak in the adventure of Old Times, the inhabitants need only go about their buisness.

But the thing about Victorian London--yes, you will get the authanticity. Including the crimes, the public excecutions, the "murder tours", and the general lawlessness. And who is the first person that comes to mind when one thinks of these things?

Jack the Ripper.

Or rather, the Fantom (aka The Gentleman--alot more badass, if you ask me...which you didn't...moving on). A msyterious young man who's seemingly sole purpose in life is to commit atrocities...all for the entertainment of Gawkers. He and his ragged men reak silent havoc throughout Pastworld, recreating the true experience of the age.

Out protangonists are unclear--there are so many jumps in narrative, it's hard to tell--but I'm guessing it's Eve (who, as the only first person narrator, is mostly relavent only in her diary entries), a life-long citizen of Pastworld. But she doesn't know she's living in a fantasy---for all she knows, horse-drawn carriages are modern technology. All she knows, really, is the small apartment she and her guardian Jack share. That is, until the sudden urge to free herself of her sheltered life takes hold...

And then there's Caleb. Son of one of the founding fathers of Pastworld, Caleb wants nothing more then to escape in a world other then his own--a world we only get to see secondhand as, obviously, everything we know, we know because of Pastworld. But when his father is kidnapped by The Fantom's ragged men, Eve's guardian Jack killed, and Caleb framed for both crimes, both Eve and Caleb's seemingly unrelated pasts will collide, changing both of their lives forever (!!!!)

Okay, um. I have very conflicted feelings about Pastworld. On one hand, the concept is so amazingly awesome that I want so badly to think that it is awesome, but on the other hand...it just falls short.

Lemme explain:

You know how the first thing you look for in a book is whether or not you care. Care about where the plots going, care about where it will take the characters. You read to find out, not just to finish? I felt none of this for Pastworld.

I mean, yeah, it's entertaining. But it lacks a certain...life to it. Yes, it is hard to create relations with characters seen through a third person perspective, but Caleb and Eve and Co. all came across as flat as the paper they were printed on. When Caleb's father is kidnapped, his reaction is just...odd. Not odd like "holyhorseshit my pops just got CAPPED YO!" but odd like..."hmmm I just got framed for a murder and my dad got dragged off by a bunch of neo-begger folk...let me just wander around and ponder...ponder...ponder...pon...der....". Though Eve would have an excuse for this kind of reaction--she's been outside only a handful of times in her life--Caleb has lived. I'm sure he's seen television. I'm sure there had been some "Stranger Danger" seminar in his grade school at some point. None of the characters felt real to me. Though there definetly was an honest effort, and I could see myself loving some of them (Bible J. comes to mind), the life just isn't there.

Another frustration I had with Pastworld was the world outside of it. It's hinted heavily that there is some kind of dystopia outside of Pastworld's gates. A "sameness" that Caleb is constantly reminding himself about. The idea of it is much more fascinating then Eve running off to the circus for a few dozen pages, no offense to Mr. Beck. Maybe that wasn't the story he was aiming to tell, but that is the one I would have loved to read. What exactly brought Pastworld into existance? What brought civilization to such a low that people had to maim other people in a restored Victorian London as entertainment? What oh what?

Through the misgivings, you have to admit--Pastworld is haunting. The descriptions, the scenery, the general feel just kind of grabs you. But the plot is just so...unevenly distributed, if you know what I mean. It was pretty hard to get into. But I did, after a few pages.

Overall, Pastworld is a notable effort that could have been something Great. However, everything just fell a bit too short for that. I do, however, look forward to seeing what Mr. Beck comes up with next, because he really does have potention with this one.

Rating: Either a 5 (meh) or a 6 (good). Kind of torn...

Also: If your interested in the idea of Pastworld, be sure to check out the Jim Carrey flick, The Truman Show, about a man who's entire life has been the subject of a hit television show. With him as the star.