Friday, September 24, 2010

Let us mourn together (or, how I don't know what to do without Harry Potter)

1997. A big year. The French discovered over 2000 pieces of art were stolen by the Nazis. Bill Clinton is voted into his second term. Woman get their youngest figure skating champion. Titanic hits the States. Hit-Girl is born. HAL 3000 is (supposedly) activated. But this is nothing. These are pebbles. Specs of dust. No, the real mile stone of the year 1997 was, and is, the publication of Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone. The world has yet to be the same.

I was, of course, three when Harry hit shelves and, despite what you may think, I was most certainly not a prodigal genius able to comprehend three syllable words before I could pronounce them (I know, its shocking.) And I'd be lying if I said it was the first series of books I truly got in to (that honor belongs to the Bailey School Kids.) But. Harry Potter is, without a doubt, the most impacteful thing that has happened to me since I first sat on a toilet seat (and that was big, I assure you.) And I have been neglectful, I admit, these last few months. After the monumental DISAPOINTMENT that was the Deathly Hallows epilogue ("All was well"? Really? Please tell me your initials stand for "just kidding", Rowling) I had kind of...forgotten our dear boy wizard. But I am a nerd. And as a nerd, I can never truly abandon the fandom that made me a nerd. I was simply misguided but, luckily, this little gem brought me back over from the dark side.


I cried. I cried.

Let's break it down:

--Fist pump for Bill Nighy! As dear ol' Rufus right before everything goes to hell. Rock.

--The white coffin! Which they totally left out of HBP because they suck!

--Shot of Hermione looking so freaking gorgeous I want to slice off my own face for it's inability to meet such standards.

--Godric's Hollow, where it all began. Shitting awesome quote on the Potter's grave stone and Harry and Hermione giving shippers an orgasm. Nice.

--Okay, really? We all know Dumbledore kicked it. RECAP UNNECESSARY.

--Malfoy Manor. Not as grand as I envisioned.

--Snape, who I love, who also has potentially the best one-word-utterence in the entire novel, workin' that fine spyin' booty. Heyyy. (Note: this attraction applies to Snape and Snape only--Alan Rickman is a seperate entity.)

--Did anyone notice the Muggles holding up the pillar behind fatass Umbridge?


--Voldie needs a manicure.

--Oh look, Nagini.


--OH LOOK, NA---

--The trio end up in London after the shitstorm that was Bill and Fleur's wedding. Hermione looking all panicked which I think will be one of the only advantages the movie has over the book--we really get a visual feel of just how much the shit has hit the fan. Take the whole "Help me" line from the trailer--we'll get to that.

--Seven Potter's scene. AKA THE REASON I EXIST.

Imma try to identify.

#1: Real Harry, probably looking hella disturbed.
#2&3: Fred and George. You can tell by their facial expressions, looking like they're about so say something like, "We look identical."
#4: IDK my memories failing me. Bill? He's next to Fleur, obvs, but they're not looking lovingly at each other so it's anybodies guess.
#5: Fleur. Duh.
#6: Ron, clearly. Harry would never dress that grungy.
#7: LOL Hermione LOL

--Wedding at the Burrow where Kingley's patronus arrives to tell everyone they're basically screwed.

--Running from the Snatchers?

--Hermione pwning your face.

--Can I just say that if any one of the trio were to have a career after HP, it would certainly be Ron Weasley? Because, srsly, he really is the best actor of the bunch. You can just hear the pure venom in his voice when he bitch slaps Harry who, up until this point, had been undoubtedly making it all about him, without notice that, um, YOUR TWO BEST FRIENDS ARE BASICALLY SACRFICING EVERYTHING TO HELP YOU OUT HURR. And then Ron is all like, "YOU DON'T KNOW JACK SHIT BECAUSE YOU DON'T HAVE A FRIKKEN FAMILY" and I'm like, "Yes, Ron, yes." And then he and Harry undoubtebly have the bitchiess fight in the history of cinema, which Harry uses his gigantic neck to crush his enemies which, if you ask me, he should have just done in the first place because look at that thing, it's bigger then my whole body.

P.S. Homie needs sleep.

--Dobby. Ehhhh.

--Saddest scene in the entire frikken movie, in my opinion. Mr. Lovegood having to choose between his daughter and, um, the entire fate of the wizarding world.

--Bang bang NOVEMBER 19TH

I am SO STOKED to see this movie. Except I'm not, because the wounds from DH are still fresh and I really don't need to relive the death of Dobby. But then, I am shaking with anticipation for Mrs. Weasley's Crowning Moment of Awesome. And Harry totally sassing Voldemort. "Yes, I dare!" indeed.

So...what are ya'll expecting from DH?


Lu said...

Great breakdown of the trailer! I have watched it waaaay to much already lol

This movie is going to be EPIC!

Padfoot and Prongs - Good Books Inc. said...

I am SO GLAD someone else disceted this like we did. Let me start off by saying that the very first time I saw the 1st trailer... I was in public. Bad news bears. I attempted to hold it together but of course the words 'MOVIE EVENT OF A GENERATION' were put up I immediately broke down into horrific sobs.

and p.s. Emma Watson is my IDOL. I have never given 2 craps about an actor before but she is just too perfect for words. Looks and brains... should we all be so lucky.

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